In Donata's Kitchen

Reflecting on 2025 is something I really haven’t been able to do yet. I was recovering from 2024 most of the year. When I look back on 2024 I’m a bit overwhelmed with all I thought I could tackle in that year. And that is a story for further down the road still. I think it is safe to say, though, that I was in no shape to tackle a two week trip to Thailand with my mother and 10 other people in Febraury as a kickoff to 2025. What should have been a lovely trip was chaotic, exhausting. Recovering from that, physically and mentally, took a good long while, welll into May.

Immediately after coming home from that trip I felt this immense desire to escape. So I told my husband I was going for a walk. I didn’t say where. I packed my bags, got in the car, and headed to Moclips, Washington. There is a really shitty little hotel that sits just up from the beach there. The little cabins have kitchenettes where I can cook my own meals. I can look out at the waves and watch the sunsets through the slider. Yes, I’ve gone there before, when I’ve needed escape. I brought seaweed and salts to bathe in and enjoyed long soaks in the outdated yellow tub. I walked the long staircase down to the beach and took long walks, three times a day. And I slept. And I wrote in my journal. And I wept. And I watched bad TV.

When I came home I sought help from a QHHT practitioner whom I had worked with before. We did some counseling sessions to reframe events around interpersonal experiences of the past and of the present. We did a lovely hypnosis session where I had helpful tools revealed. 

And then I discovered breathwork and restoration at our local Spa and healing space. I had a wild experience in mediation one day. I was surrounded by women, some from the present, some known to me who had passed on and many others who seemed like ancestors. All the women that I had ever known surrounded me. Women that I loved, and women that I struggled with surrounded me as I gave birth. I even felt the need to lift my knees and spread my arms out so that they could grasp my hands. I felt their hands on my head. I felt their love surround me. I realized that we were all in this experience together for a reason, each and every one of us, and I sent love back to them.  I had the notion that I gave birth. The whole thing. The contractions, the let down, the ring of fire, the elation at the end.  I am still uncertain of what I gave birth to, time will tell, I suppose. It was a profound experience. A feeling of letting things go out of my sacral chakra and allowing my heart chakra to expand. I still feel relieved. Like a great shedding in this year of the snake. 

I began taking long hikes by myself in wild places. Shunning the fear I would typically have in doing so, or trying to, anyway. I decided rivers and waterfalls were my jam. And wild creeks. 

I read Barbara Handclow, deep diving into the notion of the Chiron return. That grand transition that happens around age fifty.

And then I had a deep dive intuitive astrology reading and ceremonial tattoo session with a local mystic. She created a soul symbol for me. It is a tattoo that sits at the front of my right shin, close to my foot. Lingering there for all to see. I do wonder what people think. And I do not feel a need to explain it in any way. In the session we talked about my Leo self and the deep emotional period  that I had just experienced. It showed in my chart. I suppose I could have peaked into the future to see that this would happen. But I resist peeking into the future, actually. I am trying really hard to be present, in the present.  I am at my Chiron return, though, it is all to be expected, I suppose. I was never going to come out of this time of change unscathed. What hubris to think I was capable of walking through fire without getting burned. 

In our session we talked about the imbalance of masculine and feminine energies within me. We talked about being grounded, strong, emotionally sovereign. I had a vision in the lengthy process of the hand poke tattoo. I was sitting in meditation. Next to me was myself. But a much more put together person. Her hair was long and shiny and looked healthy, no split ends splayed about, no wild waves or ratty areas standing amess. She was awaiting to merge with me, or replace me, I’m still not sure which is the case, just yet. But every once in a while I will get the notion that I am acting as this more evolved and grounded self, as if she’s merged with me, and then at times I can actually feel her distanced from me, as if a great chasm exists between the two of us. I notice my smaller self in these moments. They happen less, but they show themselves more. If that makes sense. 

And then I visited the OBGYN to talk about menopause stuff and realized that what I really needed was to get on the Vitamin D. And then I joined an herb course to deep dive into menopausal herbal remedy. And then I found a yoga practitioner who created a lovely space for somatic healing. And then I joined a gym, and left the gym, and went back again, as one does. And then it was May. 

For one reason and another things seemed to turn around in May. Reason one being the excitement of planning an engagement party after my soon to be son in love proposed to my daughter. We immediately got into wedding planning mode. Something to look forward to is never a bad thing. And we gathered family together whom we hadn’t seen in quite some time. It was lovely, we felt the love, and that was balm to the soul. 

And then we had a say yes to the dress event. And that just felt like a big bucket of love. My husband and my boys and their partners came. And nieces. And my daughters college roomies. And honestly, it was the best bridal blessing that we could have asked for. And that was balm for the soul for certain. 

And then the garden began to come alive. And I had forgotten that I loved the garden. In fact, I thought I was ready to be done with the garden. I spent countless hours on zillow looking for a tiny crappy house with raw property where I could just forage, and be naked under the cedars and float in the creek and howl at the moon uncumbered by neighbors. But the awe and wonder of this placed returned. And the warm evenings full of frog song and delicious sunsets were balm for the soul.

So we got ducks. And they were just so fucking cute. And that was balm for the soul. Now they’re quite loud, stinky, and terrible, but perhaps I’ll find my rhythm with them in Spring.

And then I was asked about the perfect herb for a spring equinox celebration and I brazenly said Tulsi and brazenly suggested that I start some from seed to bring to the event. And I was so nervous, and embarrassed that they were so small, and I was challenged emotionally by the whole experience But I also was able to stretch muscles I had let atrophy. And I stepped out in community. And it was wonderful to be recognized for my talents. And I began to step further into my Self. And that was illuminating for the soul. 

And then the greenhouse came alive with sprouts and I could hide in its depths and listen to the rain patter against the polypanels while embraced in the warmth and light humidity inside of it. My hands in and out of the loose seed starting soil. Planting seeds. Transplanting too. Until my neck hurt too badly to continue. I dreamed of what I would do with the herbs and vegetables sown there.  That was balm to the soul. 

And then it was Solstice and I could turn my whole attention to the garden again. And the Strawberry season was long and delicious. And the roses were heady with their honey scent. And the bees buzzed in the pollen of the rosa rugosa. And I planted so many fabulous things in the re-invigorated raised beds. Lemon things. Camelia Sinensis for tea. Chinese Chrysanthemum. Licorice. Ginger. Turmeric. Scented Geranium. Chives. Horseradish. Rhubarb. Potatoes. Bunching Onion. Parsley. Thyme. Celery. Lipstick Sage for fun. And that was balm for the soul. 

Then the pots and chairs I had purchased from Thailand arrived on our shores. I delighted in placing the eight adirondack chairs I purchased there onto my patio. One seat for each of my brood. My husband and I, my three children and their partners. And I hoped and prayed that they would all be present together and gather again to linger around the patio for a sunset and a fire. It happens less and less as time goes on. But still, that was balm for the soul.

And then I decided to make use of those chairs and host a gathering for my dad’s bday. Because it is less and less that my parents and their children gather together to celebrate things. We had a poker party. And I must say, that it was a delightful day of re-engaging with family whom I hadn’t seen much since those quarantine days. And that was balm for the soul. 

And then the golden plums were ripe and the cousins reached out to ask if they could u-pick. And of course I was thrilled that they wanted to pick again. And then I remembered how wonderful it was to share and to have little people roaming the property and so I started a garden share. And I was just so incredibly delighted with who came to participate. Meeting new friends and spending time with littles exploring the ducks and the property, what fun. For six weeks people came to pick up food from the garden. I spent a blissful tuesday picking things around the property. Then spent Wednesday morning I set up a sharing market in my gazebo and spent the afternoon chatting with people. This was my first foray into socializing for a while and I am so thankful to have had the opportunity to do a gentle launch back into society. Balm to the soul for certain. 

And then it was my birthday and I treated myself to the Herbfarm and the best part was meeting truly delightful people interested in delightful things and doing work around wine, and sustainability, and flavor. I’m still lit up about that. And my daughter made me italian cookies for my birthday and they were sooo good. And she researched the history of them and wrote it out for me, and I just couldn’t have been more charmed. I’ve spent a good deal of time myself in food studies programs deep diving into the history of things, it felt good to be noticed, and mirrored. And another kiddo brought me back a leather journal from the leather school in Florence and I just couldn’t have been more thrilled. They took me on a field trip to the Mountain Rose Herb Mercantile in Seattle. I loaded up on things I typically mail order. It was a lovely day. And of course I had to get muscles and fries at my favorite view place and french restaurant at Pike Place.

And then I was asked to decorate the Big Pumpkin at our local olive oil shop. It was lovely to be asked to help and to have my natural decor efforts be recognized. I adorned the big pumpkin with garlic braids and hops garlands and smaller pumpkins and gourds, dried hydrangea and other dried flowers too. He looked great until the rains came! That was fun, and balm for the soul for sure. 

And then I was asked if I had yarrow in the garden, and I did, and I was able to bring it and share it with a  woman in town and my heart grew two sizes that day. 

And then I was asked to cater an autumn equinox gathering. And I was so nervous. And so stretched. And so pegged about it. But I did it. And I think, I hope, it was delightful. The feedback was good. I used as much from the garden as I could. A lovely squash apple and sage soup. A delightful lentil and greens salad with pickled shallots and herbs. A lovely sourdough purchased from a local home baker. I was thrilled to be recognized for my work, and so so scared of the whole process. And to think that I actually used to cater weddings! Feeding 10 people felt like a monumental undertaking. But, again, I did it! I conquered the feelings of inadequacy, and imposter syndrome, and I felt so frazzled, but there it is. It is done. And I’ve been asked to do it again, twice, so far. 

And then the growing season was winding down and I hardly had time to reflect on the growing, preserving and harvesting of the season because  folks were losing their jobs and the government was shutdown and there was real fear of food insecurity and economic fallout. I re-engaged with weekly volunteering at the foodbank, signed back up for lasagna love, and signed up for a bunch of dinners at the cocoon house drop in shelter. I done did  tucker myself out making food for other people and was tired and sore after my brief “workouts” at the foodbank. And the holidays were approaching! That was stressful. And was good stretching for my psyche for certain. 

With all of the chaos in the world I decided that engaging with community was of utmost importance. I hosted two lovely gatherings with women. I cast a wide net to see who would agree to gather. A lovely group gathered each time and the time spent together was so needed. And it was lovely. And it was most definitely absolutely perfect balm for the soul.

And then  I noticed that I was clenching my teeth. And I wanted to deep dive into the astrology work again. I found a new practitioner to read this time. And it was delightful. And we uncovered so many things that gave me new ways of understanding old things. This person also does somatic therapy and we are working on exercises that allow me to unclench, to find ways to balance my nervous system and, you know, just generally convince my body that there’s no need to run from tigers anymore. She can relax. She can relish in all that is good in her world. She is okay to recognize the ease in her own life and not compare it to those who are suffering. And that is a work in progress.

And then we went on a work trip to the big island. What a wild place. I fell twice, hard, slipping on lava rock. I have never before experienced the desire to passout, seeing the darkness creep over my vision. That second fall did it. That was wild. That island is wild! So active. So alive. Still forming!  We watched an active volcano, what wonder. I enjoyed watching the turtles so so much. We took quiet soaks away from people in the salty water perched on the lava rocks. We got a massage on the beach, and that was spectacular. Still, we are looking towards a future that comes sooner rather than later when we don’t need to stay at resorts or go to corporate events anymore, and that, my friends, is a trip. We have been pushing forward, hard, since we were just barely 18. Trying to make this life as successful as possible. Running away from the title of teen parents as fast as humanly possible. Constantly pushing pushing pushing forward so that we could feel like we had achieved something. Trying to give our family the best version of life that we knew how to give them. And now. And now. We feel tired! Real tired! But life is too good and we’re way too young to  throw in the towel just yet!

I decided that we needed to spend more time with family yet again. So for Thanksgiving I decided to host a 5k fun run/walk in the morning and host dinner in the afternoon. Many family and friends of family and in-laws joined in. It was crazy. And it was sooo fun. And there was so much food. And it was just a magical way to kick off the holiday season. We followed that with a christmas tree scavenger hunt through Snohomish. That was truly balm for the soul. 

I then decided that we needed even more community connection. I wanted to resurrect two parties in one. My wreath party and our old family holiday open house. I decided we needed santa here for photo ops. And I decided we needed to hand out a book. So I asked if our darling cousin would craft a coloring book for us. What fun it was to see young and old sit on santa’s lap and get a gift of candy can and coloring book. The books turned out great! My own little family had their first family photo with the kids forever partners involved. Super fun. We had a bonfire and there was no rain. We roasted hot dogs and had a ginormous charcuterie board and more! The children were delighted with Santa and it just could not have gone any better than it did. I will forever be grateful for the weather that day. 

And then the floods came. And what seemed like endless days of rain and wind. It was almost Christmas. We wondered how people in the flood zones would fare. Many of the same people who were affected by the govt. Shutdown lived in low income housing directly in the flood zones. We were worried. And we were especially worried for our farmers. How far would the water go. It is good to know that people around here are relatively well prepared. And our community comes together in times of need in big big ways. We will be fine. Our people are well cared for. People help each other out here. The farms will recover, with help. And that is balm for the soul. 

My little family celebrated Solstice together, and that was delightful. Everyone stayed the night, and Santa came, still. And it was fun to realize that christmas isn’t a day. And now that they are all well into adulthood, there’s really no need for gifts. The time together and memories are all we need to have a wonderful time together. 

Christmas came in a flash, and was gone just as fast, but we were able to host grandparents and in-laws and drop in at my sisters on christmas eve for prime rib and host a birthday party for my father-in-law all in that week. Phew! 

And then we did nothing, and that was good. And I feel healed, I really do, as if I’ve rounded a corner. I don’t feel good. In fact I’ve been tug of warring with hormone issues and fighting off this flu thing with both fists. I feel like I get little glimpses of it now and again. Headaches, tummy troubles, sore throat, that sort of thing. I am having exquisite rest days with my tarot nearby. I’ve journeyed through pentacles, and now the wands have emerged. I’ve ordered a ton of new books.

We spent new years gathered with family for my brother in laws 50th. Yep. Family again!  I think we’re all finding our way together again, after covid kind of pulled us out of our traditional times together, and as we age, and the kids age, and our parents age, and I think it is going to be really good. Especially once all four sisters crawl their way out of peri-menopause. I’m looking forward to having real sisterhood with them, supporting each other as we become the wise ones of the bunch, showing those youngsters how to live well and love well until we hit the grave. 

And that’s another thing that I keep reflecting on this year. As we march through the seasons. I have more seasons behind me than I do in front of me. And there is just something so magical about this sort of thinking. I don’t find it morbid, I just appreciate things more. This way of thinking makes fall colors all that much brighter. It allows for slow movement, and noticing. The idea requires thoughtful reflection, more intentional choices, more cherishing of memories made. It requires one to let small gripes go, and embrace the good moments even more. I like this version of life. I like it an awful lot. It is so so good for the soul.